Advice from a Professional

Dear 'Keets:
It's been a long time since I've written. Frankly, I was a little miffed by your paranoia regarding my friendly overtures to small mammals. But, it's Christmas, and I think we should let "bygones be bygones". I see that Geoffrey is worried that there is a mouse trying to get into the house from the garage. This is my area of expertise. I patrol all the potential access points to our house--especially narrow spaces under furniture and beside appliances. Mice will try to break and enter repeatedly at the cold times of the year--especially if there is food to be had. I suggest that you get a cat--amateur measures (such as traps) will not work. You need to call in a professional.
Keep me informed.
Furby

Together

Chirp together!
Preen together!
Eat together!
Fly together!
Perch together!
Sleep together!
When we are together
Love is with us!

Jary

King (Ahem...) of the Cage

The human female is employing excessive baby talk, and it is demeaning! (I grant you, when one has had a bad day, and maybe overindulged at the seed dish, a few reiterations of "sweetie bird" with a foot stroke are acceptable, even soothing....) We are adults, and have adult concerns. Even more so than humans, we have order--and, yes, government. I am the leader in matters of ethics and taste, and the chief operating officer. Because of my efforts, I have first dibs at the seed dish, and at any treats that are offered. Jary flies at the head of the flock, but this is merely the result of a physical talent. Jay-Jay is a sweet girl, but too young and inexperienced to have much say in the trajectory of our polity. (Nice phrase, that. I picked it up from an editorial on the bottom of the cage...) I am not a king, of course. You need only witness the nips I receive from the other two, when my decisions are not congenial, to see that.
Geoffrey

Geoffrey Explains the Solstice

Jary and Jay-Jay have some very superstitious ideas about the solstice, and appear, like the Druids, to think some ceremony is necessary to prevent the sun from disappearing altogether. This is silly. The solstice is the result of the axis tilt of the earth (about 23.5 degrees, I believe). During December, the Northern Hemisphere of the earth is maximally tilted away from the sun, thus making for the "shortest" days and the cold temperatures. The opposite is true at the summer solstice--also known as "Midsummer Day". Please see the schematic below, and the excellent link above, courtesy of NASA.

Geoffrey

Of Keys and Cages

Photo by T. Kuo

An old parakeet saying:
"Is it a home or a cage? Who's got the key?"
Thoughtfully...
Jary

Big Trees

We can't go outside and perch on a tree branch, but we were meant to, and we envy the birds that can. Trees are mighty and powerful. They live a long time. Not forever, because we see that some are dying, but longer than we do, and I suspect longer than the humans (unless they kill them). Geoffrey says that this time of year the humans bring a killed pine tree inside the house, and we get to enjoy one for a few weeks. I feel bad that it has to be killed, but I'm looking forward to the pine smell and chewing on the branches. He says they put shiny metal objects on it--some are shaped like birds! Last year, Jary tells me, they visited the human grandparents, and he saw an artificial tree. It looked almost exactly like a real one from a distance, but was unpleasant to the feet. It wasn't made from wood, the needles were much sharper than real ones, and they couldn't be broken with a beak.
Jay-Jay

The Parakeet Law

There's just a few "laws" that we have. They're old--older than the oldest 'keet. It's a dumb bird who doesn't keep them.
Here they are:
1. Chirp your thanks for the sun, the water, the seeds, and the air.
2. If you want your face feathers preened, you have to preen the other guy's face.
3. Save yourself, but you have to warn the others if you see a 'keet-eater!
4. You aren't the most important bird in the world.
5. Fly fast with the flock!

Jary

Avian Wisdom

Although we say many wise things, the humans do not understand us, because they will not take the trouble to learn our language. That is a worrying characteristic of humans--they insist that others "understand" them, but rarely make the effort to assume another's point of view. If the female had made an ounce of effort in understanding the psittacine languages, she would know that I am trying to alert her to mouse activity just on the other side of the wall in the garage. It will be only a matter of time before the rapacious murine makes his way into the house, in search of our seed. And then--mouse-a-rama!
Geoffrey

Santa (Swan) Claus

http://vancouverislandbirds.com/Journal156.htm

l am starting to wonder if Santa is going to visit here. Not the imaginary fat human in the red suit, but the real Santa Claus, a beautiful mute swan, who comes, and leaves food at the feeders in winter for all good birds. There are feeders outside--maybe he will fill those, or leave a sack of bird seed for the older female to put out. I'll ask Geoffrey and Jary if he came last year.
Jay Jay

Sue the Birds...

I look forward to cage cleaning, as I always have a fresh (and folly-filled) newspaper to read. I noticed today that a woman had sued the management of a shopping center (and an "outdoors" store in the shopping center!) for negligence in allowing a Canada goose to nest near the premises. The goose attacked the shopper, who fell and broke her leg, while running from it. The goose has since disappeared--which sounds ominous. It seems to me that this person was approaching the nest too closely--even the manager of the store said that it was not a dangerous bird. Geese do have notoriously bad tempers--and it is best to leave them severely alone--however, they wouldn't attack anything as big as a human unprovoked. I was glad to see that the jury did not award any damages.

Geoffrey

Before the Solstice

The sun is pale and low.
The sky is low and gray.
The days are getting shorter--
Shorter every day.

The nights are long and cold.
The stars are cold and bright.
We fear the sun will disappear--
Into the winter night.

With concern--
Jary

Rats with Bushy Tails

Jay-Jay had had several recent posts on the local squirrel, and I am mystified by her fascination with him. Squirrels are seed-eating machines, pure and simple. They prevent more interesting animals (e.g. winter birds) from dining at the feeders, and are unfailingly rude to us. Like many human females, Jay (though avian) is fascinated by fur. Most of her admiring comments are regarding the tail--which, viewed from afar, is undeniably attractive. The contrasting white of the belly is also pretty, and (from a distance) looks clean. Besides the gray squirrels, I have also been seeing the black ones. Again, the tail (while not quite as full as the gray variety) looks very nice. I wonder if, like our feathers, the tails are shed intermittently. If so, perhaps we could obtain one and have a little fur nest for Jay-Jay--after steam cleaning.
Geoffrey

The Squirrel Returns

The squirrel came back on Wednesday night during the snowstorm.
Here he is, stuffing himself at the bird feeder. He is rude to the birds,
and scares them away if he can. I think his tail is pretty, and I like how
he uses it to balance himself. Geoffrey says he is sure the tail is full of
fleas--but I don't see how they could survive in this cold.
Jay-Jay

Birdwatching 6

Downy Woodpecker (Picoides villosus)

What a babe! Love to see her eating at the suet block outside on a cold day. I've tried to make small talk through the window, but she's in a steady relationship, and the dude's way jealous. So I just admire from a distance.

Jary

Jay Gets Lost

Yesterday, the older female decided to do some cage cleaning, and employed the dreaded (and dreadful) vacuum cleaner. We immediately fled to the furthest points offering a perch that we could find, and hunkered down. When the machine was finally switched off, I promptly returned to the cage from my place of refuge (the light over the bathroom sink), as I'd noticed that fresh seed had been placed in the bowl. Jary was just behind me, but no Jay-Jay. We started eating--still no Jay-Jay. Concerned, we both began to "ping". No response. The female noticed, and began to look for her, while we continued to "ping". She looked in the bathroom (checking to make sure a drowning was not in progress), the bedrooms, even downstairs. Suddenly, a faint chirp sounded from upstairs. After checking the bathrooms again, the female found Jay, sitting on one of the bedroom dressers, with the room door ajar. She had been unable to see the way out, and the older female had failed to notice her among the knick-knacks. She immediately flew home, to a tender reunion, and an excellent lunch.
Geoffrey

It's Blooming....

One of the Christmas cactuses ("cacti", according to Sep) is blooming. The girl took these staged photos--for a Christmas card, she says! We're not thinking about Christmas--just tryin' to figure out how to get at those delicious flowers...
Jary

Squirrels

The squirrels are starting to inch closer and closer to the back door. I know they are hungry and cold, but Geoffrey is not sympathetic. He says they are "rats with bushy tails", and will not talk to them. I sometimes sit on the kitchen window and chirp at them. They aren't very talkative, and tend to mumble. A conversation goes like this:
Jay: Hi, how are you?
Squirrel: OK.
Jay: What are you doing?
Squirrel: Eating.
Jay: I had a nice breakfast. We had spinach. What are you going to have?
Squirrel: Dunnoh.
(He does know! He has a alpine strawberry in his paws--which he's trying to hide!)
Jay: The female got out the suet feeder yesterday. I thought you'd like to know.
Squirrel: Yeah.

I gave up at that point. He is interested in the suet feeder though. We'll be seeing a lot more of him.
Jay

Energy Conservation Run Amok

The older female has been viewing the electricity bill with increasing angst and dismay over the last few months. She has responded by initiating a campaign to "turn down the heat", of which everyone else in the house disapproves, although we have reservations about saying so. She enhances this feeling by appealing to our "global warming" guilt, and ridiculing our hardiness--"Put on a SWEATER!". That's OK for the humans--but WE can't but on a sweater, only puff up, and sit, miserable, on the perch. She likes the cold--she has the fat layer of a pre-migratory goose, is post-menopausal, and has a nice array of fashionable sweaters. The rest of us aren't in the same situation, and the older male even sneaks the thermostat up a few degrees when she's not looking. Our ancestors came from the semi-desert regions--keeping the house at 65 degrees is uncomfortable! This regimen will only increase our seed consumption, and, as a result, our poop rate. So she'll just have to clean the cage more often! Hummphh!
Geoffrey

In Thanksgiving for Lettuce

Lettuce eat it!
Lettuce munch it!
Lettuce tear it!
Lettuce crunch it!

Lettuce at it!
Lettuce say,
We'd gladly have it
Every day!

When we're done
Lettuce have more--
The most expensive
In the store!

Spinach, mesclun,
Romaine's great,
But Iceberg's the one
We celebrate!

Lettuce be grateful
For this treat.
Lettuce be thankful
As we eat.

Amen!
Jary

Birdwatching 5

Re: Turkey (Meleagris gallopavo)
We always feel uncomfortable this time of year. Why? Because Thanksgiving seems to be primarily about executing, stuffing, roasting, and eating a large, defenceless (we will grant--stupid) BIRD! We feel great sympathy for the domestic turkey. Raised solely to provide an enormous meal for an extended human family, the same humans then turn and accuse them of stupidity and ugliness. Who, we ask, bred these qualities into them? Wild turkeys are clever and impressive birds! Of course, that doesn't stop humans from eating them, too--but at least the humans have to undergo discomfort and effort to get one! The domestic ones are delivered, frozen and dressed, to the supermarket! We think the focus of Thanksgiving should be on gratitude. The world's turkeys would be grateful if they were not the focus of the feast....and I think it would be a blow against global warming if we just turned the ovens off!
Geoffrey

Editorial: Universal Health Care Coverage

Now that the cage is clean, and there is new newspaper on the floor, I'm able to follow the debate amongst the presidential candidates regarding medical care and universal health care insurance. We don't want any coverage at all--we hate going to the vet! As far as we're concerned, NO health care whatsoever should be what an intelligent parakeet should strive for. In our view, health care consists of transport to the vet's office in a comfortless "travel cage", sitting in the waiting room surrounded by irritable predators, being plucked from the cage and weighed in a closed tupperware container, and then poked and prodded by a vet wearing a pair of telescopic goggles that look like something the aliens would wear in a "made-for-TV" Sci-Fi movie. Not for us! Our only consolation is that the older female has to pay over three times our original cost for the visit! Serves her right.
Geoffrey

The Joys of Lettuce

We all love our morning lettuce. Right now, while we wait for the mesclun outside to grow, we are eating the most expensive sweet baby lettuce available at the grocery store. Nothing but the best! I'm sure it is very good for feathers and keratin, and it is so nice and crunchy.
Jay-Jay

Cleaned at Last

We'd like to thank the older female and the boy for cleaning the cage last night. We are revelling in the luxury, and doing our best to make the job necessary again in short order. I have made unkind comments about Jary's poetry in the past, but I must say that his little couplet had a remarkable effect. I'd never recognized the practical uses of poetry before!
Geoffrey

A Brief, but Heartfelt, Poem

It's been an age
Since you cleaned the cage.

Jary

A Halloween Mishap

Halloween has just passed, and the humans are taking down the decorations and jettisoning the moldy pumpkin. I wanted to give some advice to bird owners and to other birds about Halloween candy: Nerds are Not for Birds!

Last year, I was browsing about on the carpet near the cage after the festivities, and encountered some black and purple "seeds" with a pleasantly sweet taste. I gobbled them right up--not wanting Jary to get any. I was punished for my greed. They were actually a candy called "Nerds". They impacted my crop, and I passed the night in severe gastrointestinal distress. I was so dehydrated by morning, I fell while attempting to fly. The female human was sympathetic, turned up the heat, offered water, and vacuumed up the remaining candy pieces. Mercifully, she did not take me to the vet! Jary sat beside me on the perch--and I will always be grateful for his silent encouragement. I had dry heaves all morning, but was able to take a little water and lettuce later in the day. It was a dreadful experience--such things should NOT be allowed in the house, much less on the carpet near an unsuspecting bird's cage!
Geoffrey

The Flirt

As you know, Geoffrey and Jary are both wooing me, and declare their love daily. I am flattered, but I'm just not ready to settle down yet. I'm too young for the responsibility of taking care of eggs and sitting on a nest. I want to have fun! It's fun to be told you are beautiful, and I have to laugh when G and J peck at each other and squawk. They both keep one eye on me the whole time! They never compete with me at the seed dish, and they let me have whatever perch I want. I can nip at them whenever they get annoying, and they don't retaliate. I better enjoy this while I can--youth doesn't last forever!
Jay-Jay

Beak and Claw

Along with feathered wings, (and laying eggs, of course) the beak and claw make the bird! We assiduously avoid claw and nail clipping. The older female human would be the one to do it, and we emphatically don't trust her manicure skills. To wear down claws we recommend the use of a concrete perch, and we have a nifty little mineral block "banana" for beak control. We also like to gnaw on the edge of our wooden play gym, and last summer we enjoyed destroying the bulletin board. Beaks are excellent tools, and can be used to perform very delicate tasks--we can break open tiny seeds, preen around a friend's eyes, even gently remove hang-nails from the human finger. Yet, a good beak can completely destroy a basket-weave nest over the course of a boring afternoon, or give a well-deserved, and informative bite to a importunate human!
Geoffrey

For Jay-Jay

You are my pretty pretty!
You are my sweetie sweet!
My feathered breast is always true,
Although you bite my feet.

I'll save my millet for you.
I'll let you have my swing.
For my fierce but lovely keet-hen
I'd give up anything!

Sit beside me on our perch
I'll chirp love in your ear.
Let's make our nest together,
Each the other's dear!

Faithfully,
Jary

Birdwatching 4

Great Horned Owl (Bubo virginianus)
(PGC Photo/Hal Korber @ www.pgc.state.pa.us)

There has been a skunk walking along the fence line at night. The German shepherd next door is just beside himself with rage and anxiety. At about 3 am we have been hearing the "Whoo, Whoo....Whoo" of a great horned owl. Two nights ago there was a scream--silence--then a self-satisfied "Whoo, Whoo..." It makes our blood run cold...
Geoffrey

Jary To Furby

Hey!
I heard you gave our older human female a nip on the chin while she was visiting this weekend. She was restraining you? You go, girl! Just don't kill and eat any birds--except grackles and starlings. Eat as many of them as you can.
We're cool!
Jary, et al.

Un"fur"ly Treated

Geoffrey;
I am insulted! Such name-calling! The pot calling the kettle black! A few observations....

1. Last time I checked, certain BIRDS (hawks, owls, eagles, falcons, etc.) eat chipmunks, mice, shrews, rabbits, and other birds! The larger ones would probably eat a cat if they could catch one and carry it off. They don't even get acquainted first as cats do; they just strike, piercing their victim with sharp talons. Since you like poetry, I once heard one in blank verse that included the line, "The hawk is the cat of the air." So there!

2. Your humans eat chickens and turkeys, don't they? Those are birds! Yet you still seem to count your humans among your "friends." I recently overheard that the older female and male in your household served duck when they got married. They also eat cows, fish, and pigs. You seem to be able to overlook that!

3. I have never, ever eaten a bird, or a chipmunk, or anything other than my kibble, water, and some very nice canned salmon juice the mother two-legger gave me a week ago.

4. I like to play with the animals around the yard. Unfortunately, I sometimes overwhelm my smaller playmates when the play gets boisterous. An unfortunate accident of that sort occurred just the other day. I was playing tag with a small shrew, and unfortunately I tagged it too hard. I patted the body gently, hoping to rouse it, but it would not move again. The mother two-legger took the body away. It was sad. I shall have to be more careful.

5. I give my two-leggers lots of amusement and keep their feet warm at night.

Indignantly,
Furby

Jary's Assessment of the Situation....

She loves ME, man! Give it up.
Jary

Love Triangle

I am very busy just now, trying to convince Jay-Jay to love me. She would pay more attention if Jary would just absent himself from the cage for awhile. He is a belligerent popinjay--and I don't see how any discerning hen could find him attractive. I tried to tell him so this morning, with a few judicious squawks and bites, but the older female human separated us and put Jay-Jay into the other cage for awhile. She is imprisoned, and I tried to tell her how to get out, but she can't lift the little door and step outside at the same time. I also suspect she finds Jary somewhat interesting--the loud, aggressive types often seem so to the inexperienced female. But true love will win out in the end--so I soldier on....
Geoffrey

RE: Snide Comments about my Haiku

Hey Guys:
There have been some comments about my preening haiku.
If you think a haiku has to be "5,7,5", you need to know that real experts are doing "3,5,3".
If you can do better, prove it!
Jary

Preening Haiku

Each feather
Must be smooth--arranged
With sharp beak.

Jary

Betrayed! By a Cat!

The scales have fallen from my eyes. Birds and cats cannot get along! Furby is not what she seems, and my gesture of friendship was clearly directed to an unworthy object. Her last post proves that she is black at heart. Cats only want one thing--an easy meal. Birds are far superior to cats! We don't claw upholstered furniture, get into bed with the flightless ones at 3 am, and leave allergy-inducing dander over every surface. We are sincerely affectionate, infinitely more beautiful, will respond to commands ("Step up!"), and keep to our cage at night. Let's have no more of this mealy-mouthed business about our "making a mess"! What's a few seeds and feathers on the floor around the cage, compared to an selfish feline who'd pull the family dinner entree off the top of the kitchen counter and then pretend not to know who did it!? Frankly, I believe the old tales about stealing the breath from babies! Have you ever seen the look on their faces when they see a human toddler?
Indignantly,
Geoffrey

The Intellectual Link between Birds and Humans

"Science" is becoming my favorite magazine. Just saw this letter of interest yesterday (Gess, A., Birds Like Music, Too. Science, 317: 1864 (2007). Apparently, although chimpanzees seem "unresponsive" to music, birds have been scientifically shown to prefer the works of Bach and Vivaldi over that of "dissonant" composers, or even silence! We much prefer piano, flute and violin to hip-hop, so we feel this is a very accurate and insightful letter.
Geoffrey

Chipmunk and Cat Interactions

Salutations, my feathered friends!

I hope that you are in good health. I have been spending quite a bit of time outdoors in this beautiful October weather. I enjoy watching the leaves drift to the ground.

There is a nut tree in the yard below, and the squirrels and chipmunks have been so busy there. They never seem to rest! One chipmunk ran across the porch where I sat, and so I was able to persuade it to take a break.

We played tag for a bit, and then needed a rest. We had just settled down paw-to-paw to get better acquainted, when the mother two-legger came out, probably to investigate the noise made by a watering can that fell over during the game of tag. She must have something against chipmunks, because she rudely pulled me up into the air by the middle, with my paws dangling, and roughly deposited me around the side of the house! When I got back, she was wielding the broom, and my little friend was scurrying into the ivy. I waited for quite some time, but she must have thoroughly terrified that chipmunk, because it never came back.

I've heard of parents who ruin their children's social lives. She must be one of those and wants to monitor my friends, too! Thankfully, I have your friendship at least.

Toodaloo!
Furby

Birdwatching 3

(PGC photo/Joe Kosack @ www.ggc.state.pa.us)

The Ruby Throated hummingbirds (Archilochus colubris) have gone for the year, I think. I'll miss them. They look more like really big bees than birds! I've tried the trick they have of "flying in place", but I can keep it up for only a few seconds. I enjoyed watching them through the window at the coral bells. They also liked the bee balm, the licorice mint, the cardinal flower and the cuphea. The humans never realized that the nest was in the Bradford pear tree next to the street. One evening, the Mr. almost slammed into the older female (who was porch sitting) on his way to the cuphea. She was surprised, but he was really appalled! Hope they have a good vacation in Central America over the next few months.
Jay-Jay

Now THIS is Real Poetry!

I can't stand it anymore--the jangling drivel that Jary and my sub-editor offer as poetry! The last one reminded me of the work of Edgar A. Guest. In defense of my intellect, I offer this--a real poem!
Geoffrey

The Bird With The Coppery, Keen Claws

By: Wallace Stevens

Above the forest of the parakeets,
A parakeet of parakeets prevails,
A pip of life amid a mort of tails.

(The rudiments of tropics are around,
Aloe of ivory, pear of rusty rind.)
His lids are white because his eyes are blind.

He is not paradise of parakeets,
Of his gold ether, golden alguazil,
Except because he broods there and is still.

Panache upon panache, his tails deploy
Upward and outward, in green-vented forms,
His tip a drop of water full of storms.

But though the turbulent tinges undulate
As his pure intellect applies its laws,
He moves not on his coppery, keen claws.

He munches a dry shell while he exerts
His will, yet never ceases, perfect cock,
To flare, in the sun-pallor of his rock.

Feathered Velociraptor?

This morning, I read with great interest a brief article in Science (Turner, et al, 317: 1721, 2007) demonstrating that the Velociraptor had bony "quill knobs" on its ulna that suggest the presence of secondary feathers. Velociraptor did not fly, of course, but the authors indicate that the feathers could have been used for display, or to give "lift" while running downhill. Here is the link: http://www.sciencemag.org/cgi/content/full/317/5845/1721.
We have discussed the article in our ad hoc journal club, and feel certain that the feathers probably were very like ours in color and marking!
Geoffrey

For Furby

Dear Furby:
I have read your last two letters with interest. You must not be offended by the rabbit. He takes your intentions at face value--it would normally be very dangerous if he stayed to talk with you. On the surface, he cannot discern that you have liberal lapinarian beliefs. Most rabbits are very jumpy, anyway.

I am very sympathetic about your objection to being dressed in a cheerleader outfit. The youngest female here insists that we want to be dressed in "costumes" for Halloween. Little doll hats, or a piece of Kleenex with eyes cut out.... Why she thinks this is beyond us! Probably because she wants it to be so! I hope a similar idea is not forming in the minds of your younger two-leggers. If you see any evidence of it, I'd recommend hiding beneath the largest bed on October 30th, and staying there until November 1st. You could come out for meals in the wee hours.

In solidarity,
Geoffrey

Furby and a Houseplant

Dear Feathered Friends:

I commiserate with you on being accused of doing damage to the master bedroom. I've been falsely accused of messing up the answering machine. They assumed that the welcome message was erased because I jumped up on the bookcase top where the telephone is kept and walked on the controls. I do jump up there as a stepping stone to the window, but I was not to blame for the technological problems. They rigged up a shelf over the phone to keep me off it, and I was exonerated when the same thing happened again. Now they blame it on power surges.

But, I have knocked over a plant on that bookshelf. All the dirt fell into a box that held bicycle helmets. The mother two-legger took it well. She didn't yell at all. She threw the plant away, and had the oldest girl clean out the box and helmets. I think I may have given the mother an excuse to get rid of the plant. If not, at least she likes me better than it!

By the way, do you have rabbits where you live? There was one in the yard last night. I started out to say "hello," but was brought up short by my lead. The rabbit seemed very unfriendly, running away like he did, without any acknowledgement of my existance!

Enjoy your millet!
Furby

The Bird in the Mirror

When my buds are asleep,
Or we've had a big fight,
The bird in the mirror
Helps me feel right.

He's a cool kind of guy
On whom I depend.
The 'keet in the mirror
Is always my friend.

He always repeats
What I have to say.
My friend in the mirror
Sees it my way!

Jary

Computer Cat

Hello!
How have you keets been doing? I am just fine after my absence last Saturday. They didn't let me out again the rest of the day, but things have returned to normal.

I haven't been able to write lately because someone is always using the computer. When the young two-leggers are at school the mother uses it quite a bit. She seems to be catching up on a lot of work. I like to sit under the computer table and doze or bathe myself. When the young ones come home they are on it a lot, too, but I don't lounge about in the room when they are there. It's too dangerous -- next thing I know they'll be dressing me up in a Build-a-Bear cheerleader outfit! (It's been done before...can I have no dignity?) I gave the one boy a playful pressure with my teeth on his arm the other day to keep him in line. Next time I may not be so playful....
Grrrr....
Furby

I'm a Girl....

Sigh. They have recently "discovered" that I am a girl. They behave as if they're the first to know. I've known forever, and Geoffrey and Jary have known since I joined them in the cage 6 months ago. I hate to say it, but humans are pretty dim sometimes. Imagine not being able to tell a boy from a girl! I still like them, of course! Maybe they're just naive?
Jay-Jay

Turner Replies

Greetings:

Just wanted to let you know that I am going to have two areas to guard: my old territory during the week and the new territory where the clothes-lines are on weekends. As to the unkind comments about me, I am above all that, having serious work to do.

The two-leggers are worried about my transition--they are so dependent on me! They have stocked up on multi-colored treats--not multi-colored parakeets! Ha! Ha! Get it, you fuzzy cat? Get it, you squeeky 'keets?

Never put down the Neanderthal age in my hearing again. It was when we made our first pact with the humans.

Yap, Yip!

Turner

Lost....And Found!

We wish to report that our friend Furby went missing on Saturday morning, but was found after several anxious hours. She had slipped out of her leash, and disappeared. Her humans were very concerned, but Furby herself did not become worried until almost lunchtime, because she was browsing at some neighborhood yard sales. However, when she began to feel hunger pangs, and did not recognize her surroundings, she almost panicked. Luckily, after a few minutes of random and frenzied searching, she was able to calm down. Using feline intuition, she found some familiar bushes, and meowed when she heard her name being called. All is well, and lunch was not even delayed.
G.

Birdwatching 2

(Grackle photo: www.biology.usgs.gov; Starling photo: www.nps.gov/archive/prsf)


RE: Grackles (Quiscalus quiscula) and European Starlings (Sturnus vulgaris)

Sigh....They've overseeded the front lawn, and the only obvious result is a plague of starlings and grackles! There certainly won't be any grass! These two species are rude, noisy, and rapacious. It's an affront to see them strutting about the front lawn, and they touch down in flocks of 100's this time of year. What's more, they can see us through the window, and engage in ignorant and offensive heckling! It goes like this (we'll call them Geo, Don, Rich, and Al....):

Rich: Hey! Look in there! Bunch of pretty boys!

Don: We're eating the grass seed, pretty boys!

Geo: Yeh! Yum. Yum.

Al: They're too scared to come out and have grass seed!

(We turn our backs to them.)

Don: Ohhh! They're scared! Bunch of foreign birds!

Geo: Yeh! Scared!

Al: Pretty boys! Pretty boys!

Jary: DON"T CALL ME PRETTY BOY!

Al: We didn't call you pretty boy!

Geo: Al didn't call you pretty boy!

Rich: You are though!! Sqwack! Squack! Squawk!

The whole flock laughs!

Despicable! Accused of being an immigrant by a European starling! There are so many of them, and they are outside the glass. Nothing to do about it, except ignore them. It's hard to be cultured and intelligent in a world of arrogant morons.

Geoffrey

The Dreaded Vacuum Cleaner

She's at it again. The older female has developed one of her intermittent manias for cleanliness, and is stalking about the house cleaning. It puts her in a very bad mood, which is only intensified by use of the VACUUM CLEANER! She claims to hate vacuuming, and we wish she would only follow her inclination and stop doing it. She has two machines! A large one that bumps about making an ungodly noise (And cleanliness is supposed to be next to godliness...) The other is small, has a high-pitched scream, and is used exclusively to clean our cage and the area around it. We hate it. We fly to the furthest bedroom, look out the window at the grackles, and try to forget. She is particulary intolerant of our shed feathers at the moment, but the younger humans are in her sights too. They are being required to "pick up their clutter", and "decide what to get rid of". We will not get rid of any of OUR toys--we need them all! So don't ask! We'll all be glad when fall housecleaning is over, and she returns to sanity!
Geoffrey

Lucky Bird!

To be sung to "This Land is Your Land!"

I am a lucky bird!
I have a warm cage!
I have a play gym...
And a loving family!
My wings are not clipped!
I have a blue-feathered friend!
And there's millet for Geoffrey
And for me!

Musically,
Jary

Two Leggers

Dear Furby:
You sound as if you have a real problem with your "two legger" young. Sometimes. the youngest one here walks us around holding on to our tails, thus preventing us from taking flight. She claims we like it.... She is also the one who has proposed that a leash be purchased for outdoor trips. We do have a defense that you do not--we can fly out of reach. One of our favorite places is the top of door frames. We spend hours there when she has friends over.
Cheers!
G.

Faith

I see "Nature" on the breakfast table as I fly through the kitchen most mornings. (That's the reason I've developed the habit of landing on the table....the frosted cornflake bits are attractive, too.) I have been following the reportage on the "Intelligent Design vs. Evolution" debate in various school districts. I've always felt that humans would be more accepting of evolutionary theory if they could identify a Tyrannosaurus rex as a potential ancestor rather that an Australopithicene. I have only to look at my feet to know that I am really a dinosaur! When they look at their feet, they see...foot fungus.

Scientists shouldn't be dismissive of faith. After all, for most humans, accepting the scientific explanation of reality requires strong faith. Very few humans know theoretically or actually how the common electrical devices in their homes work. I don't understand HTML, yet I write this blog!

Geoffrey

Breaking and Entering?

We have been accused of a crime and denied access to the master bedroom. Our crime? Pooping on the window sill, eating and manhandling the Christmas cacti in the window!
First of all, we didn't do it. We are innocent. It is clear that other birds (probably grackles) came through the open window, and are responsible for the damage.
Secondly, since when is eating Christmas cactus a crime? It is a delicious, healthful vegetable. Eating it shows good taste and an effort to keep to the government's recommendation that we all get "Five a Day".
Lastly, if you eat, you poop. That is physiology, not a punishable offense.

Geoffrey, Jary, and Jay-Jay

"Step Up"

I "Step Up" at your command,
And hop on the finger or the hand.
If you had a little more insight,
You'd take care to be polite.
It's the only trick you know,
But it's not fun for me, and so,
When "Step up" is proffered,
A treat should be offered!
Give me something crisp and yummy
After all, you've poked my tummy!

Sigh...
Jary

More from Furby

Hello Jary, Geoffrey, and Jay,

Today when the two oldest two-legger children left for school, the bigger one left his bedroom door open! I usually can't get in there during the night and get to the high window, so I got up there right away! I watched some birds fly around. These birds were NOT as intelligent as you -- they just screeched a lot, making a lot of noise like those dogs I mentioned.

Later in the morning one of the shorter two-legger children brought me a stuffed snake to play with. I hid under a blanket that was draped over the side of his bed. I almost got it, but it was yanked out of my grip. Then he picked me up and made me run with two legs down the hallway. The smallest two-legger played with me, but got bored, and I got away!

I like being friends. Hope you agree!

Sincerely,
Furby

Birdwatching 1

Subject: Turkey Vultures (Cathartes aura)
(PGC Photo/Jacob Dingle @ www.pgc.state.pa.us)

We have a personal and scientific interest in other birds, and take every opportunity to add another individual to our "life list". A bird needs a hobby, especially when they forget to open the top of the cage in the morning, and you end up spending the day sitting on your perch looking out the window.

Today, I'd like to report on the local turkey vultures, which are starting to congregate on the cell phone tower in the field behind the house. Sometimes, in the winter, there 50-60 vultures out there, sunning themselves, drying wings, and keeping a weather eye out for anything dead that happens along. They are remarkable fliers, and you'd think any bird that can fly that well would be a beauty! Up close though--moth-eaten, dusty, malodorous....tsk, tsk.

I append a poem (not by me):

Sitting on the roof ridge
On garbage day,
Drying his wings in the sun,
A nightmare chicken,
Unwanted, unloved.
But when he takes to the sky,
And plays above the wind gusts,
Balancing in the cold clean air;
Hearts ache to fly with him.

As poetry, it's not my cup of tea, but the price I pay to have one of the flightless ones act as my sub-editor.
Geoffrey

Turner's "Territory"

Dear Furby:
Thank you so much for writing back to me. I agree with you regarding Turner. He appears to be an aggressive Neanderthal. For his information, Jary and I have visited his so-called territory on many occasions. We particularly enjoyed landing on the clothes lines in the laundry room while the flightless ones gave fruitless chase. There are still probably some bird poops in a dusty corner. Maybe he can locate them.
Jah! Jah!
Geoffrey

Furby Replies!

Dear Geoffrey,

How nice of you to want to have an online friendship! I hope you your meal was to your liking. You look quite interested in it. I looked at your picture while I ate my meal today.

I have been so bored lately. The largest of the two-legged creatures I live with always leaves early in the morning and comes home around supper time. But for the last two weeks, the four younger two-leggers have also been gone much of the day. I never thought I'd miss their manhandling! I tried following the only remaining one around, meowing at what I hoped were opportune moments, but she just got a string and half-heartedly wiggled it for me for a few moments. I enjoyed reading about how you like to fly close to the heads of two-leggers in your home, just to see the hair rise a little. Sounds like fun.

This Turner sounds rather uppity...but I wouldn't mind meeting the squirrels he mentions. They sound rather more friendly...and interesting. His sign off -- "Yip! Yap!" tells it all. He's just like all those dogs that I pass when I'm taken for a walk. They make a lot of noise and run back and forth, or try to break through glass doors to get out, or nearly strangle themselves to look like they are doing something useful. Rather like politicians. I am of a more scientific turn. I OBSERVE (and do it quietly), consider the situation, and then take action.

Love,
Furby

Introducing Turner

Hello:
As a new member of the family, I would like to introduce myself. My name is Turner. I am a Chinese pug dog. I would like to comment on the "Detente" post. Detente is all very well for the lower orders, such as birds and cats. However, dogs know that territorial concerns are paramount. I mark my territory daily. My humans facilitate this by providing plenty of fresh water. They are definitely enablers, except of course, when they invite squirrels onto the porch territory, and when they entangle my lead in the exhaust pipe of an SUV. (Wheww! I thought I'd never get loose!)

So, Furby, Geoffrey, Jary, and Jay, take this as a friendly warning, and stay off of my turf!

Yip! Yap!
Turner

Free Flight

The flightless ones engage in all sorts of painful-appearing contortions to maintain fitness. I see them running, biking, and power-walking on the front street. The oldest one here used to do "push-ups" and "sit-ups"--an amusing sight. Luckily, she doesn't understand "LOL" in keetspeak. Lifting weights and doing aerobics are also said to be popular, often in places called "fitness centers". They even get into the water, and propel themselves through it--"swimming", they call it. We don't swim (When very young, Jary inadvertantly landed in a toilet and nearly drowned), although we like to take baths. Our exercise of choice is flying. We like to do it in formation, and it is even more fun if we skim over the heads of the flightless ones, creating a little lift of the hair as we pass. We like to land on the tops of door frames and curtain rods--tantalizingly out of reach! I think that wing clipping should never be allowed--although some humans defend it for safety reasons. How would you like someone to cut your legs off at the knee and say, "It's safer if you don't walk around. Sit in the house all day, and watch TV."?

Cage, Sweet Cage...

I love my comfy cage!
The mirror and the swing;
The wood and concrete perches;
The bell I like to ring.

The lettuce and the seed dish;
The toys I bite and chew.
I think my roommates like me,
At least they say they do!

I love my roomy cage!
It's permanent, I'm hope'n.
Just know that we like fly'n free
And want our cage top open!

Hint, Hint,
Jary

Detente

I believe that we will never achieve world peace unless we start reaching out to others--even those of whom we have every reason to be suspicious. I have been approached by a feline lady, who, though belonging to a group of dangerous predators, shows every sign of wishing to extend the paw of peace! Her overtures have been emphatically rejected by my colleagues, but I wish to reciprocate her offer of friendship. I think meetings scheduled around mealtimes are not prudent so early in our relationship, so I would propose an "on-line" friendship only, as a way of testing the sincerity and good-will of both parties. So, Furby, please re-contact me!
Cordially,
Geoffrey

PS: I append a recent photo of me at dinner, in acknowledgment of hers.

The Spider and the Fly

Geoffrey is seriously considering setting up a date with Furby! He doesn't seem to have noticed that Furby is a CAT! I think he stopped reading after "....birds as handsome as you." This is a disaster. I hope he reads this (abridged) poem. CHEEP! CHEEP! CHEEP!
Jay-Jay

THE SPIDER AND THE FLY
By: Mary Howitt

Will you walk into my parlour?" said the Spider to the Fly,
'Tis the prettiest little parlour that ever you did spy;
The way into my parlour is up a winding stair,
And I've a many curious things to shew when you are there."
Oh no, no," said the little Fly, "to ask me is in vain,
For who goes up your winding stair can ne'er come down again."
.........

"Sweet creature!" said the Spider, "you're witty and you're wise,
How handsome are your gauzy wings, how brilliant are your eyes!
I've a little looking-glass upon my parlour shelf,
If you'll step in one moment, dear, you shall behold yourself."
"I thank you, gentle sir," she said, "for what you 're pleased to say,
And bidding you good morning now, I'll call another day."

The Spider turned him round about, and went into his den,
For well he knew the silly Fly would soon come back again:
So he wove a subtle web, in a little corner sly,
And set his table ready, to dine upon the Fly.
Then he came out to his door again, and merrily did sing,
"Come hither, hither, pretty Fly, with the pearl and silver wing;
Your robes are green and purple -- there's a crest upon your head;
Your eyes are like the diamond bright, but mine are dull as lead!"

Alas, alas! how very soon this silly little Fly,
Hearing his wily, flattering words, came slowly flitting by;
With buzzing wings she hung aloft, then near and nearer drew,
Thinking only of her brilliant eyes, and green and purple hue --
Thinking only of her crested head -- poor foolish thing! At last,
Up jumped the cunning Spider, and fiercely held her fast.
He dragged her up his winding stair, into his dismal den,
Within his little parlour -- but she ne'er came out again!
.......

Contacted by an Admirer?

Hello Keets!

My name is Furby. I'm just over one year old. I've been enjoying your blog immensely and find it very interesting. I've enclosed my picture. While I have no feathers, my fur is soft and silky with tortoise-shell highlights. My favorite activity is sitting on windowsills watching the native birds fly about and listening to their songs. I've never seen birds as handsome as you, however.

My two-legged companions (there are six) put me in a harness attached to a long clothesline when I am outside, but, Houdini-like, I have escaped several times. When outside I enjoy sitting and watching the world go by. It is most fun when hiding under a bush. Unseen, I can see how other creatures really behave. Sometimes one of my two-legged companions will take me for a walk. I will walk a bit, especially in shady areas, but when I sit down to observe more closely, she always picks me up and carries me. I am glad to be carried when noisy things with four round legs go by. They are so big, and could cause damage to lil ol' me, I think. The youngest of my two-legged housemates sometimes naps in the afternoon, like I like to do. When she does so I try to keep her company. We lay side-by-side on her bed. She is nice and toasty.

I'm afraid my diet differs from yours -- two bowls of nutritionally-sound kibble and fresh water daily. It does get a tad boring. A little variety would be welcome.

I'd like to meet you all in person. Perhaps we could arrange a time and place to rendezvous? Perhaps for dinner? Let me know.

Love,
Furby

My Profile Picture

I've received several catty comments about my profile photo. I admit, it was taken over 2 years ago when I was younger and perhaps more handsome. In my defense, I've observed that approximately 9 out of 10 profile photos are not contemporary--and always optimally attractive. I want to put my best claw forward--especially if any television producers are following this.
Comments are closed.
Geoffrey

In Praise of Millet.....

Millet is a wondrous grain,
Full of yummy seeds.
The lucky 'keet that eats it
Will do mighty deeds!

Millet is a healthful grain.
Give it every day!
Vets who say it makes 'keets fat
Are wrong! That's what I'd say.

Proudly,
Jary

Keet Speak

Hi--it's Jay-Jay. Geoffrey is sick today, because he ate too much Christmas cactus, so he's asked me to blog for him. Sometimes, he puts parakeet words in his posts, so I thought I would do an English-Parakeet "dictionary" for all of you who follow the blog. I've been told that lonely parakeets sometimes learn human language. We aren't interested in learning English, but if you want to learn parakeet, I hope this is helpful.

"Jah-Jah!": See you later, sucker!
"CHIRP": I'm here! Where are you? (also known as the "ping")
"CHEEP! CHEEP! CHEEP!": Grackles on the lawn! (or) Cat on the lawn! (or) Hawk in the sky!
"Chutter, chutter, cheek!": Affectionate gossip about our day-to-day lives with the flightless ones.
"Cheep.": Move over, and make room at the seed dish.
"SQUWAAAK!": Fight! Fight! Fight!

A lot of keet speak is body language--stretches, regurgitation ("I love you"), bobbing, bowing, etc. I think humans would have trouble getting fluent in that part, because they are wingless, their necks don't rotate enough and the knees don't bend backwards.
Bye-Bye!

Algebra

I read more than you think. They put fresh newspaper on the bottom of the cage frequently--and the local county paper fits best. A recent article reports that those who wish to receive a high school diploma will soon have to pass an algebra test! Apparently a legislated mandate. I doubt that the majority of legislators could pass such a test. In a previous life, I was a professor of mathematics at a distinguished northeastern university (it is a long story, involving reincarnation, and failure to merit elevation to a higher plane, but I digress....), and I opine that most humans are incapable of learning and retaining algebra. But if the legislature think it is a necessary part of high school education, they ought to demonstrate that they retain their skills--or relinquish their high school diplomas!
Jah-Jah!
Geoffrey

Jary chirps up!

Yo! I'm the green and yellow parakeet in the picture--aka Jeekins. Sep is the "boss bird", but I'm out front when we fly through the house. I'm also the best looking of the three--classic good looks. I wanted to say a few words about vegetables, so when you go to the grocery store you know what to get for the birds in your life. We like spinach, iceberg lettuce, and spicy mesclun--in that order; well washed and with water beads on the surface. That way you can wash your face while you eat your breakfast! I hear that romaine, Boston, microgreens and other exotic types of lettuce are very popular in posh restaurants, but birds don't go there (except the poor dudes who come out of the kitchen covered in a sauce).
Jary

Introductions

Hello. My name is Geoffrey ("Sep" to my close friends...). I'm a parakeet, living with 2 other parakeet friends, and 4 heavily-constructed, flightless birds. I will be posting my observations intermittently on this blog--which should surprise one of the flightless ones. She said to a dinner guest recently, "I never fully appreciated the term 'birdbrain' until we got these guys.". Humphh!